I Need You
by neverwritersblock
Summary: Everyone who has read the books has read the Epilogue. In this fanfic, the roles are reversed and Peeta is having trouble grasping reality. He's the one questionning their future together. Will he and Katniss get married and have children? M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games and majority of these characters. Characters belong to Suzanne Collins, author of the series. **

**Basically this is rated M for adult issues, some violence and brief sexuality. I assure you, this is NOT a mindless sex fanfic.**

***Takes place after Post-Mokingjay, Pre-Epilogue***

**KATNISS:**

As much as I want him to just leave me alone, Peeta Mellark shows up every morning with a new loaf of bread. I refuse to rouse myself out of bed. He simply rings the doorbell and leaves me a fresh loaf. When I finally do get up, he's nowhere near my house. I think he's given up on waiting for me. I think he just rings the bell for me now. To let me know he's still there. That he still cares. Even today, he's still bringing me bread. Saving me from starvation, because I'm sure if he didn't come every morning, I wouldn't eat.

I haven't seen him since he planted the primroses outside. It was the first day I'd left the house since I arrived from the Capitol. I must have looked like a dirty rat, but I really didn't care. Nobody else did. Why should I? It was a warm day, and the bright sun looked inviting. I hesitantly took a step outside; my eyes squinted as the sun came to them.

"Katniss." I heard to my left. My eyes had just adjusted to the sunlight and I glanced over my shoulder. Peeta. I don't speak, I only intensely stare at him; give him a look of confusion. His face was sweaty and he was wearing gloves, desperately digging at the ground with a small shovel. "Primroses." He said as he stood. "For her."

At first I didn't know what to say. I looked into Peeta's magnificently blue eyes and I see the boy with the bread. Then I see his intense features, and I know the Capitol has taken even him away from me. I manage to nod respectfully before walking back in to my dark house. I ran upstairs and cried for hours.

Today though, I feel like I need to see him. So when he rings the doorbell, waking me from a peaceful sleep, I race downstairs to see him. When I reach the door, I hear his heavy footsteps on my front steps, and I swing the door open. This takes him by surprise and he turns around. I look down at my feet, which stand near a full tray of cheese buns. _Cheese buns, _I think hungrily. _I've missed Peeta's cheese buns._

He looks at me still, trying to read my face. I make it so he knows I'm hurting, but also that he knows I'm trying. "Thank you." I say after a while. "For the primroses. Thank you for the bread." I ramble, trying to make my voice more clear and loud with every word. He nods and glances up at me. Even after everything the Capitol did to him, he could still look at me straight in the eyes.

"No need to thank me, Katniss," He says easily. "I've been doing a lot of baking and painting. It helps. And I need somewhere to put all the bread I make." He says with a wink, and then he turns and walks away.

I eat the cheese buns alone, longing the times when I had Peeta and Gale and Prim. I miss having people around me, but at the same time, I don't want any contact from the outside world. I don't want to know about the Capitol that once was, or the latest gossip on our new government. All I want to do is sit in my house and eat cheese buns.

It's pathetic, I know.

I manage to drag myself off my couch and take a shower. I let the water run down my body, washing away the dirt and filth from days before. I scrub under my nails, which are almost completely black. I must be in there for an hour when I hear Peeta downstairs. "Katniss?" He calls, with a sense of urgency in his soft voice.

I shut off the water and climb out of the glass cylinder, grabbing my towel and wrapping it around my shivering body. I move quickly, pulling on a robe from my room and running down the stairs. "Peeta? What is it?" I ask. He looks up at me, taking me in.

"I… I don't know. I needed to protect you." He says, suddenly looking at the ground. "I needed to protect you from Peeta." I stand, in my bath robe, completely dazed by the sunlight flowing in from my open door. Peeta must have left it open when he barged in here. "He's going to hurt you," He says, and then the lunges himself forward, landing on the ground. I gasp.

"Peeta…" I say trying to soothe him. I crawl over and rub his back. "No one is hurting me." He shakes violently and shoves me off him, making me hit my head on the armrest of the couch. I stand up abruptly and walk over to the kitchen.

Peeta gets up and walks towards me, pure anger displayed on his features. "You mutt!" He yells as he comes at me again. He's stronger than I am, but I'm faster. I kick his prosthetic leg and he topples over, clawing viciously at my legs. "Mutt!" I escape through the kitchen door and find myself in the living room, pot in hand.

When I look back at Peeta, he is no longer yelling at me. He's looking up at me, tears filling his eyes.

"I…" He swallows. "I hurt you." He says, as if he doesn't believe it himself. "I'm so sorry," He says as he stands up. "I'm so sorry." He sobs again, and walks through the door.

**PEETA:**

I have hurt her.

I don't remember, but I know it's what happened. The way she held that pot, and the way I was laying on the floor screaming, I must have. She was silent, her white robe hanging off her beautiful curves, but the wild look in her eyes made me want to kill myself.

I hurt Katniss Everdeen.

I trudge over to my house. My living room is filled with paintings of the Games. I shake as I see one of Katniss's bloody face. I'd dreamt about that bloody, vicious face. My doctor said to paint everything I remember from my dreams, no matter how disturbing.

I continue upstairs and find my bed. Without taking off my shoes, I throw myself to my mattress and click off the light. I cry myself to sleep.

The next few days go by slowly. I wake every night to the sound of Katniss's dreadful screaming. "Peeta!" She would cry. "Nooooooooo!"

As much as I wanted to run over and help her, the fear that I could hurt her again was too great. I painted. I painted her house from my bedroom window. Her pale face the morning she found me planting primroses. Her wet and wavy hair from the day I'd come at her…

I wake up every night paralyzed with fear from the same dream. It's me and Katniss. Except I'm stabbing her, and I can't stop myself. "Mutt! You stupid mutt!" I'm screeching as she bleeds from her stomach and mouth.

I open my eyes one night and memories flood back to me.

_ "Good morning, Peeta." Says a woman in a seductive voice. "Sleep well?" _

_ I look up and see a Capitol woman. She is in nothing but her underclothes. My hands are chained down. I can't move. "Love me," She says as she leans down and kisses me. I pull my face away. The woman backs away, taking two steps back. She then takes my bare knees and squeezes them. I try to move but I can't. My clothes are gone. I'm exposed, every inch of me. I sigh and look up at the ceiling, preparing me for what is about to come. "Fine. You want to play that way." She says, and she pulls a trigger and sharp, bone rattling pain rushes through my body. _

I try to shake the visions away. I try to rid of the woman's disgusting vanilla scent. A scent I can no longer tolerate. I try to shake the feeling of her fingers brushing my bare chest. I try to forget her whole Capitol voice and clothing.

I can't.

They haunt me every time I sleep, every time I close my eyes. That woman is there. I want to vomit when I think of her. I want to rip out my hair, and some days, I do. I sit on my bed and pull at my clothes, my hair and my skin until every memory is vanished. But they always return.

Today, I'm doing nothing. I am sitting on my couch, listening but not really paying attention to the television's news channel. I don't even bring Katniss a loaf of fresh bread. I don't even bake any bread.

I let the memories take over me, leaving me a paranoid mess. My doctor says that I need to fight then. Although, he says that sometimes I should let a few in. Letting them enter, that's when you need to learn to control them. A vivid image of Katniss trying to kill me plays in my mind. I shake my head. _Not real, _I think. _Not real._

I must have dozed off, because I have the most terrible dream.

_I feel pain rushing through my arm. I look up to see a tube of greenish-yellow trackerjacker venom spilling from a big container, and depositing in my body. I scream, but nobody hears me. "Peeta." Says a man's voice. "Katniss is here- she's trying to kill you!" _

"_No!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "I love her!" _

"_But does she love you?" He asks me. The burning has calmed, but I twitch furiously in my chair. I look up and he nods. "Exactly. She was trying to kill you the whole time in the arena. She wants you dead. She killed your family, Peeta!" With that, he walks out. _

My eyes flash open, back to reality. _Not real? _I end up convincing myself it's not real, all without having the violent urge to strangle Katniss. It was the middle of the night, and I wake to the sound of Katniss's bloody screams. I can't stand it anymore, so I get up from my couch and run to her house.

**KATNISS:**

Blood. Never ending blood covering Peeta's face. "Mutt! I'm going to kill you, mutt!" He screeches. His eyes change from light blue to black. I scream for him.

"Peeta!" I yell, over and over again. "Don't leave me!" He looks up at me. "Please! You're all I have left."

Then, out of nowhere, his eyes change back to blue and his face softens. The boy with the bread is back. Now, Peeta is looking at the ground. He pulls out a knife. "Goodbye, Katniss," He says, looking up, and then he cuts both his wrists. "So I don't hurt you again." He breathes, and then he bleeds to death right in front of me, and for some reason, I can't move. As much as I want to help him, I can't. Images flash of Prim, Peeta, my mother, Rue, Thresh, Foxface, Finnick, Wiress, Mags and all the other tributes in both arenas. I wake up screaming, but I can't stop myself even after my eyes are open.

I hear someone shushing me, and I feel a soft and firm hand rubbing my back as I sit up, trying desperately to catch my breath. "Peeta," I say between gasps. He sits stiffly on my bed, probably still scared of touching me. In reality, by not leaving me bread the past two weeks, I've probably lost a lot of weight. I try to remember the last time I'd eaten.

"Sssh," He says as I lay down again. I grab his hand when he tries to leave. "I'm here, Katniss. I'm alright. You're alright. We're both well," He says, still trying to calm me. I pull him down to my bed slowly. He can't leave me now. Not after he's shown me the old Peeta. I know he's still in there. He can't abandon me right now. Not after having this dream. Not after I lost him. "No," He whispers. "I have to go."

I groan at him, sniffling away the tears. I pull him down roughly, and position him so his head is on my pillow. I craw into his arms, and he wraps them around me, stopping my shivering. "Oh, Katniss," He says softly. "What if I-" I shush him, bury my face in his neck and I close my eyes. He thinks he will hurt me, but I know he won't. This is the first time we'd slept together since before the Quarter Quell, I realise. I let myself relax, because I know right now, the old Peeta has returned. He won't hurt me. He never has. Peeta sighs softly as I drift off into a deep sleep.

The next morning, I wake and see Peeta is snoring softly. I smile a bit at the sound. He's trying for me. He's trying to swallow our past and start over. Slowly, I turn and check the clock. 5:45 am. "Good morning," Peeta says from behind. I must have woken him. I speak for the first time in two weeks.

"Good morning."

We get out of bed tiredly and walk downstairs. Peeta speaks hesitantly. I know this must be hard for him. "I'm going to my house to shower." I shake my head when he turns for my door.

"I have a shower, Peeta," I say. Honestly, I don't want him to leave. The past few months have been terrible. Usually I like being alone, but this was just too much. I'd had no human contact at all for day at a time. Greasy Sae came every few days to check up on me. Knowing I had someone 'check up on me' made me livid. When Peeta came to me last night, I felt like things could get well again. I don't want to lose that feeling.

"I need fresh clothes. I'll be back for lunch," He says simply. When he sees my sad reaction, he takes my face in his hands, and for a moment, I think he's going to kiss me. Is that what I want? Yes. It is what I want. To feel his warm lips. I miss him. The warmth and steadiness he gave me when he kissed me. I long the tingling feeling I got when we kissed for real, not just for the cameras. He resists and pulls away from me.

"I'm coming with you, then." I say grabbing my coat. He walks out my door, leaving me not far behind him. We enter his house, and immediately I'm blown away by the fresh smell of cookies. "Mmm." I say dreamily. He offers me a seat and I take it happily. I plant myself in his big couch and look at the television.

Peeta starts walking upstairs. "I'll be out in a few minutes." He says and runs up to his bathroom. I hear the shower running, but really what I hear is Peeta. He's singing lightly, but I can still hear his sweet and soft voice. I smile to myself and mute the television so I can hear him better. It's the Valley song, I realise.

Slowly, I walk up his stairs and press my ear against his bathroom door. His voice is beautiful. Natural but not perfect. Sometimes his voice cracks, but he continues. The song reminds me of Prim, and tears fill my eyes. I long to just stand here and listen to him sing all day, but a few minutes later I hear the shower shut off, followed by his singing. I sigh and turn, but I hear the bathroom door open after I take a few steps.

When I turn, Peeta has nothing on but a small towel wrapped around his waist. His blond hair is in his face in wet waves. "Uhh…" I say. I look down, blushing. He turns his head away from me and slowly takes a step towards his room. Then another. And another. Finally he's in his room and I can look up again. I sigh loudly.

"Katniss?" He asks from his room.

"Yes, Peeta?" I ask.

"Why were you standing outside my bathroom while I was showering?"

I think. "I was listening to you sing," I say softly. I can hear the silence coming from beyond Peeta's door. He's probably wondering the same thing I am at the moment. Right now, I'm wondering what to call this relationship. Friends? Distanced companions? We haven't talked in months yet here we are in his house. I'm feeling like I need him for the first time since I got to District 12. Does he need me? Am I only wishfully thinking that things could be normal?

I don't even know how to talk to the boy. Last year I resisted saying most sappy things to him in worry of him getting the wrong idea. He used to be in in love with me, after all. But now, I'm not certain of how he feels about me. I know that I need him.

Peeta swings the door open. "How was my singing then?" He asks with a smirk. I study his face, and see Peeta. Not the hijacked boy I saw in District 13.

"It was beautiful." I say. "The song… It made me think of Prim," I say, and my eyes flood with tears. I haven't said her name in nearly a year. Ten months? Is that how long I've been in twelve? I try to hold in the sobs, but they escape me, making Peeta take me into his strong arms. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his shirt. For a while he holds me and I cry. Then, when I look up, I see he is crying too.

"Peeta…" I say as he wipes my tears away.

"I can't see you cry. It makes me upset. And very confused." He says. I wipe my tears on his shirt and he chuckles lightly. Confused… He's still confused. After all the highjacking, he's admitting to being confused. I miss his old self. The old Peeta that admitted he loved me. I smile up at him, even though he knows it's fake. "She would be happy to see you happy, Katniss." Peeta says as he pulls me into another hug as he sniffles.

"I know," I say, and I really do. Prim wouldn't be happy with the way I'm living. Locked in my house, with no sunlight or people. She'd be ecstatic that I've somewhat let Peeta back into my life. She always loved him. Prim, in a way, was sort of like the younger, female version of Peeta. That is why right now, I'm having a hard time looking into his blue eyes.

When my tears dry, Peeta and I walk downstairs to the couch. We sit awkwardly for a while, and then suddenly I take Peeta's hand. I interlock his fingers with mine. He looks up at me, and I return the gesture. "It'll be alright, Peeta." I say to him. My heart breaks silently when I see his eyebrows pull together in confusion. He doesn't know how I feel about him. But I do.

I have loved Peeta since he threw me a loaf of bread years ago.

_It'll be alright, Katniss. _I tell myself. And I know that it will. Which is why that same day, I go hunting for the first time in a year.

**PEETA:**

I have made her smile a few times. Every time the corners of her beautiful lips turn up, a tingling sensation rips through my body. _I make her smile…_

Then, when she smiles at me, a voice in my head tells me it's fake. She doesn't love me. She never will. She just wants to kill me. She killed my father. My brothers. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of these thoughts.

Now, Katniss rests her head on my shoulder and we say nothing. Her fingers intertwine mine and I glance over at her constantly. Her features are unreadable; her eyes somewhere far off in the distance.

"Peeta," She says looking up at me. "I think I'll go hunting today." This takes me off guard, and I pull her away from me so I can look her in the eyes.

"That's great," I say, trying to sound happy. Our relationship is awkward right now, and I can see she has no idea what to do. Hug me? Kiss me? Or just laugh? I try to smile my best at her.

"I'll pack you some cheese buns," I offer as I jump up and walk to the kitchen. She follows me, and sits at my table.

"Thank you," Katniss says after a while. "For the cheese buns." She clarifies when I look up at her. "They always were my favorites," She says and I laugh lightly. I remember her telling me they were her favorites. These are the memories that make me smile when I think of them. These are the ones I don't want to forget. I smile at her and pass her a bag which I packed with a water bottle and three cheese buns. Katniss smiles back at me.

"Well," She says. "I'll be back in the evening?" She says, more of a question than a declaration. I nod.

"See you then." I say. With that, Katniss turns and walks out my door.

**KATNISS:**

I retrieve my bow and arrows, which are locked away in my house. I haven't touched them in so long, I feel great as I feel the extra weight of my quiver on my back. I pull out a cheese bun as I exit Victor's Village. I realize that I'm very hungry. I eat a whole bun before I even reach the place that once had a wired fence, but was now a gateway to the forest. It's legal to hunt now.

I enter the Meadow, which looks the same as it did the morning of the reaping. I'm grateful that the Meadow wasn't bombed with the rest of Twelve. It was a piece of my childhood; probably the only piece left.

I walk to Gale and I's old meeting place, and for a while, I sit and nibble on another cheese bun. I wonder how Gale is doing in District 2. I wonder how my mother's hospital is. I haven't spoken to either of them in what seems like ages. The only person that stuck around was Peeta, not that I minded.

Anger and frustration always bubbled to the surface when I thought of Gale Hawthorne and my mother. Gale, first of all, may or may have not killed Prim. My beautiful, selfless, kind, generous, naïve Primrose. He also left me after the rebellion. Never tried calling or visiting his best friend. Abandonment. Betrayal.

My mother calls occasionally, but I never answer the telephone. I see that it's her and I ignore it. She could have stayed in Twelve, too. But she decided to abandon me, as did Gale. Only Haymitch and Peeta stayed. Only they have clean slates with me right now.

_Haymitch._ I think of him, who is now raising geese. He seems flustered most of the time, but surprisingly sober. Which is a fantastic sign of recovery. I look out my window and see him feeding his geese and I want to smile, but I can't. I can't be happy that he's happy. As much as I want to.

After I finish my second bun, I get up and walk around the woods that I used to know. Now, it's like I'm a complete stranger. The sun seems to shine brighter, the birds sing louder and the trees' leaves are greener. I smile a bit and continue walking.

I don't shoot anything. I take in my old forest. I've missed it. Then, when the sun goes down, I start off towards the gate. I have Peeta waiting for me in Victor's Village; he'll be worried if I'm not back by sundown. Well… The old Peeta would have been. Now, I'm not so sure.

Months later, when I walk into my house, Peeta was sitting on my couch, the television muted. His hands held his forehead, as he muttered word I couldn't understand. His fingers were laced in his blond hair, pulling desperately. _The flashbacks. _I pull myself down so that I'm kneeling beside him. He's not leaving me. He's not letting the memories take him away from me. He's fighting.

He then looks up at me. "Katniss," He slurs. I hate seeing him like this. It hasn't happened often, and I take a different approach each time. This time, he looks the worst I've ever seen him.

"Peeta, I'm here," I say, pulling him into a strong hug, although he doesn't hug me back. "You're safe. I'm safe. We're in Twelve, the rebellion was a success. There is no Capitol." He relaxes slightly. Then, all his muscles tense and he grabs my shoulders. "I'm not giving up on you." I say.

Peeta shakes my shoulders roughly. "Get out, Katniss. I can't control this." I shake my head. I want Peeta back. His face is red, and he looks to be fighting very hard. His fingernails are digging into his skin. Almost with such a force that they draw blood. "Get out!" He yells.

Because I have no clue what else to do, I kiss him tenderly. At first, Peeta is taken aback by the kiss. He pulls away, and his features relax slightly. His muscles go back to the way they are normally, and he unclenches his fists. He sits for a while, studying me. "You love me. Real or not real?" He asks. I know the answer immediately. He keeps me together. Peeta, although he is broken, tapes me together when I break. I'm going to be there for him now and forever. He's all I've got, and all I need. I love the boy with the bread.

"Real," I say. He then relaxes, and presses his lips to mine. At first, I think it's some sort of experiment. Testing my love. Making sure. However, then he leans into it. He embraces it. We speed up, and Peeta's lips separate, our tongues dance together. I manage to pull myself up so that I'm on top of him. I wrap my legs around him. He kisses me hungrily, and I moan loudly as he starts kissing my neck.

My stomach flips and he kisses me rougher. Down my neck, my chest and finally my collarbone. He plants little pecks across it, tracing my jawline with his fingers, making my shiver excitedly. I reach for his shirt, desperately wanting it off of him. When he pulls away from me, he looks at me intensely.

"I… Made you supper," He said nervously, lifting me off his lap and planting me next to him. I follow him to the kitchen and sit at the table disappointed. He hasn't said he loves me back. I frown to myself. I was expecting a grand Peeta-ish gesture. A long speech, naming the reasons he loves me. I see the frustration in his eyes. He's angry with himself. Although, I don't want to rush him, either. If he's not ready, so be it. I'll wait.

He's made a delicious meat stew, and in the middle on the table is a plate of perfectly sliced bread.

"Thank you," I say as I reach out for a piece of Peeta's homemade bread. It's delicious. I dunk it into my stew and nibble on it. I watch as Peeta gulps his supper down in minutes. He eats two slices of bread, and starts washing his dishes. I wonder what was going through Peeta's mind when he stopped kissing me. I was certainly enjoying myself. I wanted him to pursue. He seemed to like it, too. His mouth was soft and gentle, just as I remember it to be. Nothing had changed about his kisses, which is why I could have held on to that moment forever.

I hand Peeta my dishes, even though I don't like it. He always cooks and always cleans. I feel useless, considering I don't even bring him the meat anymore. He turns and smirks at me as he rinses out my bowl. I think of his face as he pulled away from my neck. I imagine his eyes as they wouldn't meet mine. I let myself frown. Peeta must notice because he dries off his hands and takes mine.

"What is it?" He asked, looking directly at me now.

"Why did you stop kissing me?" I ask, suddenly feeling my face burning up.

"Katniss, neither of us were ready for kisses. You know that," He says softly. But I don't know that. I wanted him to continue showering me in kisses. I was ready to kiss Peeta. We have been with each other every day for five months now, and frankly, I craved his touch more than anything. "Well, I wasn't ready. And I don't want to give you the idea that I am something I'm not. Do you understand?" I nod. He didn't want to kiss me. My Peeta doesn't want to kiss me. He truly is gone. My eyes fill with tears.

"But you are desirable, Katniss. Every time I see the corners of your pink lips turn up, I wish I could kiss them and never breathe again." He seems to know what I'm thinking, and covers up his tracks when he senses that I'm upset. I like how he can read me. "But… I suppose now that the reason I pulled away was because I didn't want to get carried away too quickly." I nod and Peeta wipes my tears away, leaving a light kiss in each of their places. "I am still sick, Katniss. And still very, very tired."

I take a bath and I order Peeta to stay with me for the night. He does, and although he seems hesitant, I'm not to crawl into his arms.

**PEETA:**

It took me nearly three months to kiss her again. Little kisses on her cheeks, sure, but none like that evening. Then, I was all over her. My tongue seemed to have a mind of its own. My lips seemed to direct me. I heard Katniss groan in pleasure. I left her wanting more.

Yet, something felt very rushed. I felt like I was kissing a girl I've loved for years, but in reality, I'm still not sure how I feel. Do I love her? Am I only hesitating out of fear?

Even today, when Katniss leans into kiss me, I don't kiss back. I let her, but I don't quite respond in a way I would have before the rebellion. I feel her tongue brush my bottom lip, in hopes that I would kiss back. I couldn't allow myself. As much as I hated myself for it, I couldn't bring myself to trust her kisses. Not yet.

She frowns at me. "Peeta, what's your problem?" she asked after I pulled my face away from hers. I sigh, refusing to look her in the eyes.

I start explaining my trust issues gently. "I was through a lot-"

"Wait. And I wasn't through a lot? Do you think I wouldn't understand or something?" She screamed at me, pushing me away from her. My eyes welled up in tears. She's angry with me. But she didn't let me finish my sentence, if she had, she would probably not have reacted this way. Suddenly, I'm angry and sad at the same time. Mostly angry. Since the rebellion I've been a short fuse, cursing violently when I break something and yelling for no reason. This is the first time since I've been back that it's Katniss that sets me off.

"I was through a lot of _highjacking,_" I snap, as memories flood back to me, making me more irritable. Katniss is surprised by my tone of voice, and I don't blame her. Usually I'm gentle and careful with her feelings. Now, I can't hold anything in, and to be honest, I don't really care. "I'm talking about in the _Capitol. _I'm saying that they messed _a lot_ with my head, and I'm having issues grasping you as my reality. Excuse me if you thought I was implying that my life has been more pathetic than yours." Katniss looks down, shielding the emotions that I see clearly bursting through her. I'm still very angry.

When she looks up at me, I see regret. Her eyes are full of it. I'm glad, too, that she's regretted saying that to me. I had the right to finish my sentence. She had no right snapping at me like that. She has no idea of what I went through in the Capitol. No idea. While I was there, she'd been in District 13, probably kissing Gale and living her life happily. She… She doesn't know what I've encountered.

_ Every morning, a new person enters my room. They say things I could care less about. I turn and ignore them. I have no clothes on, and I get very cold. Sometimes they touch me, sometimes they cry when I don't touch them. I honestly don't know what they want from me. _

_President Snow is selling me. People enter my room and expect me to make love with them. For the first week I refused, until I was visited by Snow. _

"_Do as I say or Katniss dies, Peeta." He said that morning. "The choice is yours." _

"_Don't hurt her!" I shrieked. Snow simply shook his head. _

"_Then cooperate. You have two appointments each morning. If they are not satisfied, Katniss will suffer." He said. _

"_Appointments…" I said questioningly. _

_Snow gladly explains. "Peeta, you are desirable. Women here in the Capitol love you to bits! And now they have the opportunity to do so. All with rewarding myself with a very large profit!" He exclaims. I'm a prostitute. I'm being forced to make love to other people. "Like your fellow tribute, Finnick, you both have this spark. People pay for you. You do what they want. You're brining money in by the bucket loads, Peeta! The only difference between you and the Odair boy is that you are locked in a cell, and they come to see you, rather than the whole ordeal is organized like a date."_

My face is burning when I think of that morning, and I must be bright red. The morning when I found out what I had to do to protect Katniss. When I look back up at her, she looks hurt. I take deep breaths, and as much as I want to storm off, I can't. Katniss is keeping me here. I can't leave her. For a while, we stand awkwardly exchanging shy glances with each other. Then Katniss speaks.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too." I say, and I pull her into a hug.

"Peeta," she sighs. I remember how I loved the sound of her voice saying my name. "You have nothing to be sorry about." I shake my head.

"I'm sorry for being… Unlike myself." I say, making me laugh lightly. Katniss rested her head on my chest, not moving. "Hey, are you breathing?" I ask in a teasing tone. Katniss looks up at me and smiles brilliantly. Her smile makes me smile. She knows it, too, which makes her smile even wider. These are the moments that I can't get enough of. The ones I try to hold on to when I'm losing it.

With that, Katniss gets up on her tip-toes and plants a small kiss on my jaw.

"No!" Shrill screaming. "Peeta!" I wake to the sound of my name. Katniss is still in my arms, but she's thrashing and kicking at my body viciously. "Peeta, no!"

I take her face in my hands and chant her name. "Katniss," I say loudly. She punches my gut, and although it hurts, I don't stop trying to rouse her. "Katniss," My hands move from her face to her shoulders and I lightly shake. "Katniss, wake up!"

Her eyes open abruptly. She isn't immediately in tears, as she usually is when she's woken by me. I frown at her, and then lift her up into my arms. She is breathing deeply- more like wheezing- and I soothe her by rubbing her back. I feel her shivers of pleasure as my hand brushes the small of her back. I smile to myself.

"What was it, Katniss?" I ask once she's regained her breath.

She shakes her head. "It was n-nothing, Peeta." Katniss stuttered. I'm puzzled by her response. She seems to be angry with me, for some reason. Not angry entirely, just… Hesitant. Hesitant because I haven't told her I love her back like she expected. I needed to know about her dream. They also help me cope. She was screaming my name. Was I dying? That had to be it. But… She didn't cry. When she dreamt of my death, immediately she was in tears. So it wasn't my death, but it was me.

"I was hurting you, wasn't I?" I ask. It was the only thing that made sense. In her dream, I was hurting her, and in the dream, Katniss was begging me to stay with her. She was begging me not to lose myself. This breaks my heart.

Katniss looks down, giving me my answer. "Peeta…" She trails off as my eyes fill with moisture. I look away from her as she grabs my hand and I let my tears fall. "It was a confusing dream. You just woke to see me in the worst state, that's all."

I look at her stubbornly. "Tell me every detail of the dream that you remember." I say, wiping my face of my tears. Somehow, hearing her voice will calm me down. Plus, how was it a confusing dream? What else had happened? Questions bubbled to the surface of my mind.

Katniss blushed deeply. "Well…Uh…" I urge her to keep going, no matter how embarrassing it was. Finally, she spit it out. "We were making love." I look up at her and hold in mylaughter. Her face, even in the dark, was a brighter red than any of my paints. "Yes, so… We were… You know," She continued. She had a hard time choking out the words. "And you just… lost your sanity. Your grip on reality." She shrugged, but her face was still bright red.

"Katniss, I need you to be very specific. What triggered me to lose it?" I say my voice soft and even.

"Peeta," She groaned. I hold out my hand and hold hers.

"Please," I beg, because I really need to know. Knowing can help me in the future. For example, having it in my memory as a dream won't affect me much in real life. In case this exact thing ever does happen.

She sighed. "You… Said something." I keep listening. "Your exact words were, I think: 'You bad, bad girl, Katniss.' Then you just… Lost it." I laugh, although I'm very angry at myself for even planting those violent ideas in her head. She scowls at me, which makes me laugh even more. "Hey, it's not like we were getting anywhere near that in real life, so at least let me dream!" She says as she giggles along with me.

We lay silently on her bed when finally, a question comes to mind. "So… Was I any good?" I ask with a grin that she can't see in the dark. I hear her sigh.

"The best," I hear her tease on the other side of the bed. I chuckle to myself, and drift off into a deep dreamless sleep.

**KATNISS:**

Finnick Odair.

Finnick was good-looking, and he always used this purring voice, always trying to seduce everything. I couldn't help but think of him last night. I couldn't help think of his death, Annie, and their little baby. I wish I could see Annie and her baby. Maybe Peeta and I could visit.

"I miss Annie, Peeta." I say to him this morning. He turns to me and raises his eyebrows.

"That's sudden," He says, asking for an explanation.

"No, not really. Last night you reminded me so much of Finnick."

"How so?" He asked with a smirk.

"Peeta! 'Was I any good?' Who else does that remind you of?" I laugh when Peeta laughs.

"It was an excellent question. And maybe we should take a trip to District Four, then?" He asks, and I am so grateful he feels the same.


	2. Chapter 2

**KATNISS:**

Phone calls have been made, and Annie invites us to her house happily. She and Johanna have moved in together, Annie says she needed the extra help with Finn. Little Finn.

Peeta and I take a long train ride to District 4. It takes nearly the whole day, but we manage to get there before suppertime. Peeta knocks hesitantly at the door of Annie's victor house. "Peeta, Katniss!" She squeals as the door flings open. Behind her a little toddler with sea-green eyes looks up at us.

Peeta immediately smiles at the boy, ignoring Annie's screaming. "You must be Finn," Peeta says, glancing at the tiny human. "God, do you ever look like your father." Peeta kneels on one leg to be closer to Finn. "I'm Peeta," He says.

"I know," The little boy says. Finn smiles and takes Peeta's hand in for a shake. I am busy hugging Annie, who never seems to want to let go. She finally lets me go and pulls Peeta up from the back of his shirt, and into her arms.

"Oh, I've missed you both so much!" She screeches as Johanna appears in the doorway.

"Lovebirds!" She exclaimed. "Still madly in love?" She asks Peeta. I cover for him, because I know it's hard for him to even think of loving me.

"Yes, Johanna, still are." I respond, glancing at Peeta, who is out of Annie's arms and kneeling next to Finn again. I can already tell Peeta is completely amazed by the child, and Finn looks like he's having the time of his life just speaking to Peeta. They've already become best friends.

"So, Lover Boy, why haven't you knocked her up yet?" Oh, Johanna Mason. Queen loud mouth.

Peeta stands and smiles at Johanna. "Shut up, Mason." He says, and then she pulls him into a hug. Somehow, this rubs me the wrong way. Am I not good enough to hug? Do I not deserve one like Peeta did? Or are Johanna and he just better friends than I'd expected? Am I jealous?

"Come on in, you two!" Annie says as she picks up little Finn and carries him to the couch. Peeta takes my hand and we walk in hesitantly into the living room. The houses are much different here than in Victors Village in Twelve. Here, things are much more open. There are skylights and a sitting room and a beautiful huge window in the kitchen, with perfect view of the great ocean.

"Oh, my," Peeta says dreamily as he looks around. "This is so much better than our homes in Twelve." He states, taking everything in again. I notice how he says 'homes'. Plural. I want it badly to be 'our home', but I know Peeta can't help but ease into things. It's been eight months, and Peeta still doesn't consider us that much of a couple.

"Yes," I agree with him.

"Sit, both of you. We need to pick up where we left off tomorrow, and to do that, I need to know what the past year and a half has been like for you." Annie says as she gestures for us to sit on a couch. We sit awkwardly, and I rest my hand in Peeta's lap. I feel his muscles tense, but I don't remove it.

"So, let's talk about little Finn," Peeta says excitedly. "He's already walking! Must be a smart young man," He says, winking over at Finn. Finnick JR blushes and nods and Peeta.

"Oh, yes," Annie says. "He's been walking for weeks. But let's talk about you two. Katniss, have you given much thought to becoming Mrs. Mellark? Or maybe a mother?"

I blush and Johanna looks up, expecting an answer. "Listen… Guys…" I feel Peeta stiffen and sit up straight.

"You don't expect us to believe Lover Boy hasn't asked you yet, right?" Johanna sneers, encouraging me on. I open my mouth to say something, but someone beats me to it.

"He hasn't, actually," Peeta snaps. I turn to him, remove my hand from his lap and lock my fingers with his. He's angry, I can see, but he relaxes at my touch. I'm satisfied by this.

"Peeta's having some issues… You know, with the highjacking. He's been having flashbacks and he really needs to be eased into things. So we are easing into things. Taking our time. Whenever it happens, I'll be satisfied as long as it's with Peeta." I look up at him, and his face is unreadable. I have basically just agreed to build a life with him. Katniss Everdeen agreeing to one day get married and have children. He should be jumping up and down! The old Peeta would have been…

"Alright then. Peeta, we're here for you," Annie says. Suddenly Finn's head pops up.

"Peeta!" He squeals. Peeta looks up at the young boy. "Will you come and play outside with me?" He asks.

"Sure," Peeta says. "But only if Katniss can come, too." He says gesturing towards me. Finn looks at me and I try to smile at him. He whispers something to Peeta, his eyes still pinned on me. Peeta just laughs and says, "I swear she is." Then he picks Finn up and tickles him. "Can we go outside, Mom?" Peeta asks Annie jokingly. Annie giggles and nods. I don't like it when other girls giggle at Peeta. Giggling is flirting. I think. And I'm the only one who can giggle at Peeta.

"Sure, just be inside by six."

Peeta and Finn start for the door. "Katniss, are you coming?" Shouts a small voice. Finn is waving for me to come, desperately trying to get my attention.

"Sure, Finn," I say with a smile, and then I turn and follow the two boys out. He's extremely friendly, Finn is. He and Peeta have some kind of bond immediately. They kick a soccer ball back and forth until they both collapse. Finn crawls all over Peeta, the way a son would a father. I'm mesmerized by his sweet giggling. Have they not met before?

Peeta tells jokes and tickles Finn. Finn tells Peeta stories about his friends. Like how this one girl, Holly, had asked Finn if she could kiss him. Apparently Finn ran away screaming.

"You'll warm up to the girls eventually, Finn." Peeta says wisely. "At first they seem gross, but then you meet the right one that changes your perspective completely," He says looking straight at me. I blush. Again.

Every once and a while Peeta would turn to me and ask my opinion on the current topic with Finn. I give a short sentence of my thoughts, but Finn only really cares about Peeta. However, he's extremely polite and waits his turn to speak. I don't mind watching him swoon over Peeta. And frankly, right now, I don't really feel like talking.

"Finn!" Annie calls from the window. "Time for a bath!"

"Nooooooooo!" Finn yells. "I'm having fun with Peeta!"

"You can play tomorrow!" She says as she closes the window.

Peeta picks Finn up easily and flips him around. Finn's laughter makes me smile. "Katniss?" He says quietly. I look up at the dear boy.

"Yes, Finn?"

"You don't talk much." His sea-green eyes sparkle like his father's. "But I still like you. You're nice and… You're pretty too." He says and he blushes. I smile brightly at him.

"Thank you," I say. Peeta holds the boy out away from his body.

"Don't get any ideas, Finn." He says with a joking voice. "Katniss is very special to me." He says and Finn laughs. _Very special to me._ I am very special to him. This has been a very productive day. Amazing how Finn can understand such jokes at such a young age. He's already got his father's sense of humor. Already trying to pick up every girl he sees. Until he met Annie. Then Finnick was always strictly joking with other girls.

Johanna takes Finn in her arms and carries him to the bathroom. Annie is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. "Johanna does the baths," She says. Peeta and I sit with Annie, who is clearly exhausted. "I think we'll talk in the morning, because I'm dead." She says. "I'll show you to your bedroom," She says. Our bedroom. One. Singular. We're going to be in the same bed.

Almost every night we sleep in the same bed, but the thought of being considered a couple somewhere else is amazing for me. "Okay," Peeta agrees. Annie brings us upstairs to our room. It's simple but nice and spacious. We crash on the bed immediately, and Annie is satisfied.

"I know, Finn can be exhausting." She says as she walks out of the room. "Good night," She sings as she shuts the doors behind her.

**PEETA:**

For a while we lay there, daydreaming mindlessly. Suddenly I'm brought back to earth. "Katniss?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know, but… I really like those cute little things." I say, referring to Finn. He was so sweet, so innocent and so cute.

"Those what? Children?" Katniss asks.

"Yes." I say.

Katniss sits up quickly. "Really?" She asks. I know that she's wanted children with me. She talks in her sleep all the time, muttering very sexual things about me, or discussing to herself what to name our child. One night, I woke up to find her saying her wedding vows to me. It's been going on for weeks. However, the thought never really came to me until now.

"Really." I say. Katniss dives on me, planting a soft kiss on my lips. She kisses me again, but this time its rougher. Her mouth opens and I kiss her back, taking in her sweet scent. After a minute of this, she pulls away, still on top of me, but nibbling on last time on my bottom lip.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I ask, grabbing her neck and pulling her down on me again. We kiss for minutes, and I feel her uncomfortably trying to shift positions. I flip us over to that I'm on her, but use one hand to hold up some of my weight. My other hand roams her body, passing her breasts, her back, and her hips. Every few seconds, one of us moans in delight. Usually, though, it's Katniss. Hearing her groan loudly makes me proud of myself. I like knowing that she's enjoying herself.

I roll off her, feeling suddenly disgusted with myself. When we got here, we were barely kissing, now, here we are in Annie's house, rolling around on top of each other and basically ripping each other's clothes off.

"Hey," Katniss says. She senses that I'm mad at myself. "We'll take it slow." She said, and lightly kissed my cheek. She kicked off her slippers, changed into her nightgown (I had the self-control to turn around as she did) and curled up next to me. "Goodnight." She said. I take off my shirt and sleep in just my pants.

"Goodnight, Katniss." I respond automatically.

**KATNISS:**

The sunlight is flooding in through the window. Peeta is still sleeping, and I have no idea how he's doing it in this light. A small smile shows on his lips. I smirk as I watch his chest steadily rise and fall. I half-laugh to myself, and his eyes flash open.

I stare at his chest intensely. Peeta pulls his eyebrows together. "What?" He asks sleepily.

"You have freckles," I say, tracing his chest with my index finger. He looks up at me, confused.

"So?" He asks.

"I never really noticed them before. They're cute." I say, which makes him smile wider. I hop out of bed shyly. I can feel Peeta's eyes on me, which makes me very uncomfortable because this nightgown is almost transparent.

Peeta gets out of bed and walks straight out of the room, without even getting dressed. "Peeta?" I ask questioningly. He doesn't seem to hear me. I pull on a blue sundress that Peeta suggested I buy. I didn't really like it, but I bought it to make him happy. I walk out of our room to see Peeta leaning against the staircase.

"Annie?" He yells out to her.

"Yes, Peeta?" She calls from downstairs.

"Do you mind if I shower?"

"Not at all, Peeta. Towels are in the drawer." She says, and Peeta turns to the bathroom. He walks in, and as he shuts the door, he notices me staring at him.

"Katniss?" He says with a small smile. He gets my attention, and I can't help but wonder if he'll sing here. When we're in Twelve, he sang every time he showered. But will he risk Annie or Johanna hearing him? I hope so. I love his voice. "I like your dress," He says shyly before shutting the bathroom door, not waiting to see my blush or hear what I have to say. I'm fortunate.

Slowly, I walk downstairs. I listen for any sound coming from the bathroom, but all I get is the running water. Disappointedly, I make my way to Johanna, who is helping Finn eat fruit for breakfast. "Hey," She says as I take a seat next to her.

I manage a small and muffled, "Good morning." Johanna eyes me carefully, for such a long time that I feel alien. I look down at myself, making sure I wasn't naked or something. "Yes, Johanna?" I snap. "Is there a reason you're staring at me?" She smirks and gestures to my outfit.

"A dress." She says. I look up at her questioningly. "Is that Peeta's doing?" I nod. She smiles broadly and looks over to Finn. "Time to go, buddy." She says, messing up his hair a tiny bit. The little boy looks up at Johanna, his mouth full, his eyes tearing up.

He swallows his fruit. "Can we wait until Peeta gets out of the shower?" He asks in a voice so small, even Johanna tenses sadly.

"Sorry, Finn. We can't. You'll be late for school." She says. School? Isn't Finn a little too young for school? Finn stands up and makes his way to the living room.

"Daycare," Johanna says, reading my mind. "We call it 'school' to make him feel older." She says with a wink. Within minutes, they are out the door and Annie emerges from her second bathroom. I don't really feel like talking, but I do feel a few questions gnawing at my mind.

"You guys have quite the system worked out here," I say. Annie nods as she pulls her long dark hair up into a ponytail.

"Yeah, Johanna is sort of like a full-time aunt, you know?" I nod, even though I don't know. I wish I did. Children are something I've just recently decided I want. And God, after seeing little Finn, I want them so much more.

"Finn is an amazing child," I say, and I see Annie's eyes light up. "He's smart, charming and very polite. You've done a miraculous job." I say, which makes Annie smile slightly.

"Tea?" She asks me. I nod and she pours me a mug. "And thank you, Katniss. I just wish…" She breathes in deeply. "I just wish Finnick were here to help." She looks down at her mug, trying to contain herself. "I mean- Johanna's great. But… He needs a man in his life. To teach him about girls, shaving, puberty. It won't be the same coming from Johanna and I as it would a man." Annie says, and then she takes a small sip of her coffee.

A have an idea. "What about Peeta?" I ask quietly. I hope she doesn't get the idea that I'm offering _my _Peeta to _her_. What I am doing is offering _my_ Peeta to little Finn, which, I'm not even sure I have the right to do. "He's a man. And Finn seems to like him."

Annie's eyes light up. "Oh, yes. Finn _loves_ Peeta. According to Johanna, he was babbling on and on about him in the bath." Annie smiled. "Considering the powerful bond they've already developed, Peeta is basically already a dad to Finn." I nod.

"Peeta is a dad?" Says the calm voice I love so much. I turn, and Peeta is smiling down at us. He takes a seat next to me. "When did this happen?" He says, and then he chuckles to himself. He wraps his arm around my waist. He's in a phenomenal mood this morning, which makes me snuggle in closer to him.

"Finn needs _you_, Peeta." Annie says. I almost choke on my tea. How could she be so direct about it? Peeta is fragile right now. He could break at any moment. So reckless. How could she just blurt the most pressuring statement to him? I study his face, and it doesn't change. He remains calm. He remains the rock I used to balance myself on.

He simply nods. Annie continues. "He needs a man in his life, and Peeta, I've never seen anyone connect with Finn more than you have in this past day! Nobody. Not even Johanna." She whispers the last sentence, and I see the ghost of a smile creep up on his face. "So," Annie sighs.

Peeta lets his smile expand, and suddenly his top teeth are all visible. I really study his profile. His jawline is perfection, along with his nose. His smile made me smile. Slowly, he licks his lips. _Oh my God, _I think, watching him hungrily. I watch as his tongue rolls over his bottom lip. It drives me crazy. Almost to the point that I can't watch any longer. My face is so close to his I can feel his breath on my head. I look away from his freshly moist lips, because I have to, unless he wants me to shove him on the table and love him until he loses consciousness. "Okay," He says. "But our home is District 12." Peeta says, and I'm grateful. We aren't moving to District 4. If they want Peeta in Finn's life, they'll have to move to Twelve.

**PEETA: **

Annie, Johanna and Finn are moving to District 12.

My excitement is not containable. Annie agreed to move and I couldn't help but beam at Katniss. She smiled widely back at me, knowing how much it meant to me. I knew she was happy for me. I knew she cared. For the first time in a while, I was positive she did.

Today, we are leaving District 4. Finn looks upset when I say goodbye, but he knows we'll see each other soon. Within two months, Annie Finn and Johanna will be moved into a house in Victors Village.

"I'll miss you, Peeta and Katniss." He said as he hugged both of us.

"I'll see you soon enough, buddy." I said, and then we turned and left for the train station. Now, we are on our way back home. Katniss is fast asleep on my shoulder, but I won't let myself relax. It'll take a day's journey to get home, yet I don't want to risk the nightmares. Almost every seat in our aisle is vacant. There are two other people travelling alone. My eyes were heavy. Minutes later, I closed them, only intending to rest.

_ "Good morning, Mr. Mellark." A female voice purred. Great. Time for my first 'appointment' of the day. I dread the morning time. I wish it would just leave me alone. I wish these vain and selfish people would just leave me alone. _

_ It's been a week since President Snow paid me a 'visit'. I knew what I had to do to keep Katniss alive, and I've been doing it for days. It's exhausting, and I would just like a break. I woke up every morning in the same cell, naked of course. After my daily 'appointments', I was taken to a room where I'd get beaten and injected with trackerjacker venom. I don't know what they're trying to do, but whatever it was, wasn't working. I felt completely normal, only a tired and sick. And definitely sore. _

_ I sit curled in a ball in the corner of my cell. The woman walked in, fully clothed, and spotted me immediately. I look up at her, shivering fiercely. "Well?" She asked, as she sat on my bed. She gestured for me to join her, and I do. I have to. If I don't, Katniss will die. Slowly, I lean in and plant a kiss on her healthy cheek. She is taken by surprise, and then she kisses me full on the lips. _

_ She tastes cold. Nothing like Katniss. She presses her tongue in my mouth and I react. It is disgusting. I just want to be left alone. I need to pull myself together. I need to pull this off, no matter how tired I am. _

_ "Oh, Peeta," She gasps as I kiss her neck. Tears sting in my eyes as I kiss across her chest. I pull away from her, trying to contain my tears. Then the woman leaped on me, pinning me to the bed and ripping off her shirt, followed by her bra. She's drowning me with sloppy kisses. I pretend it's Katniss that I'm kissing, but it's not very convincing. Soon the woman is naked, and I'm forced to make love to her. I'm dreadfully unconvincing, however she gets up satisfied. I curl up into my usual ball, hiding from the rest of the cruel world. _

_ My thighs are covered in lipstick, as are my arms and neck. Hours later, I'm collected to be moved. A woman named Trish comes to get me every morning. "Only one this morning?" I ask her as she handcuffs me. Trish never talked, although she wasn't an Avox. She didn't seem to like her job, either, which made me appreciate her more. _

_ "Just one," She verified. I sigh loudly as she escorts me to my other cell. Before I enter my second cell, Trish leans in and whispers to me, "Good luck." _

_ I am strapped down, as always, and I don't stop the tears from falling. I sob loudly. "GET IT TOGETHER, MELLARK!" Someone screams at me. I sniffle as the pain convulses my body. _

_ "Arrghhh!" I screech. The pain is bone rattling. I can't stand still. After I am injected, a series of images flash in my mind. An aftershock of pain rattles my nerves. _

_ "Katniss killed your family." A voice said, and then a clear video of her shooting my father filled my view. _

I awoke with a start. Katniss was awake still beside me. She was shaking my shoulder, chanting my name, chasing the memory away.

"Katniss," I sigh as I bury my face in her neck. I let myself cry. Katniss doesn't know what happened during the highjacking. She knew that I was poisoned, but about the prostitution, she hadn't a clue. I need to tell her. I need to tell her that I don't even remember what 'pure' is.

"It's okay," She shushes my sobs. "I'm here, you're okay. You're safe." I feel safe in her arms, and I let myself calm down. The train stops abruptly. "We're home." She whispers. I'll tell her when we get home. I'll tell her everything.

Everything is unpacked now. Katniss and I sit by the fire hand in hand, just watching the flames erupt in sparks. "Katniss?" I say softly. She looks up at me.

"Yes?" She says as she leans her head in my lap. She plays with my fingers as I speak.

"I would like to talk about my dream." I declare. I see her grey eyes look up to me. "It was about my time in the Capitol." Katniss tenses on my lap. "You know I was highjacked. But… I was also…" I trail off, searching for words. "I was sold. Snow sold me. I was forced to make love to women- or men for that matter- every day. I never had clothes, I was dirty, and I was also myself. I was losing you at the same time." Katniss's eyes watered as she listened. "I thought you should know that I'm not… I'm not pure anymore." I say. She remained silent.

Suddenly, Katniss placed her hand on the back of my neck, pulling me down on her. She stopped half an inch away from my lips. "I love you, Peeta. And it breaks my heart to hear that. It breaks my heart that you had to do that. You had to go through that. It breaks my heart that…" She sniffles a sob, letting tears roll down her cheeks. I could almost smell the salt on her face. I could feel her breath on my neck, and it made me shiver. "It breaks my heart that I won't be your first." I breathe in sharply as she clings to my neck and pulls my lips down on her.

Her tongue brushed my bottom lip as she pulls away from me. She sits up, still composed, and turns back to me. I moan and push myself on her, kissing her deeply. She pulls her face from mine and kisses all over my jawline, only before nibbling on my earlobe. She works her way down my neck and suddenly thought erupt in me.

_She's using you. _

_She doesn't love you. _

_She's getting you close to her so she can kill you._

_Your family is dead._

_She killed your father. _

_Now kill her!_

I pull away from her suddenly, taking several steps away from the couch. Katniss's eyes water as she watches me clench my muscles and close my eyes. _Mutt! Kill that mutt now, before she kills you! _I shake my head. Not real. Not real. Not real. I feel sweat pouring down my face as I take another step back. Not real. Not real. I pinch myself so hard it draws blood. Not real.

_Your father. She killed him with her bow! _

Real. I see it happen like a video playing in my head. She's a murderer. She killed my father. My mother and two brothers. I dive at her. I will kill her. I reach for her, but she moves away from me quickly. This aggravates me and I shove her to the ground with a loud _thump!_

She looks up at me and tears pour down her face. "Peeta, stay with me." She reaches up and takes my hand. How dare she touch me? Hasn't she hurt me enough? I slap her hand away.

"YOU KILLED MY FAMILY!" I yell. I see Katniss sobbing, and that makes me even madder. Does she expect my sympathy? I take her by the shoulders and shake roughly. "WHY?" I start crying as I'm yelling at her, and probably bruising her shoulders. "WHY, KATNISS, WHY?" Out of nowhere, the mutt takes me in and embraces me. Her arms are wrapped tightly around my neck.

"I love you, Peeta," She's whispering these words time after time. "Stay with me, please." I calm down and more images flash in my mind. It's Katniss and I on the beach in the Quarter Quell. A kiss. I breathe heavily. Real. Not real? "I love you." She's repeating the words like they are the only ones she knows. Suddenly I don't have the urge to kill her.

Good memories flash in the back of my mind like photographs. The 74th Hunger Games, us in the cave. A soft victory tour, us on the train, sleeping heavenly. "I love you, Peeta. I love you," She is whispering in my ear, although I can barely hear through my sobs.

I start to cry immediately. I'm unstable. I have just hurt her. I will hurt her again. All these bad memories are the Capitol's fiction. Not my reality. What have I done?

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	3. Chapter 3

**KATNISS: **

I sit on the floor with Peeta until my heart can't take it anymore. I expect he'll stop sobbing so I can speak to him, but every time he looks up at me, he cries harder. My chest aches hearing his sobs. The sounds coming out of his mouth aren't yells or words, but soft whimpers. The saddest sound in the world.

I shed a few tears, although I do not loosen my grip on his back. Peeta's arms hang dead on his sides, and his head remains in my neck as he cries. "I love you," I am saying, which doesn't seem to calm him down at all. "I love you," I plant a small kiss on his neck.

We sit for what feels like hours, and when I glance at the clock, two have passed. I stand, pulling him up with me. He doesn't object, although I don't think he's ready to move just yet.

I drag him upstairs to my room and sprawl him out on my bed. I remove his shoes and tuck him in, then crawl in after him. His tears have slowed, and he takes me in his arms. We lay for several minutes before all Peeta's tears have dried.

"I'm sorry," He whispers, a voice so small I have trouble hearing it. "I'm so, so sorry," I squeeze his hand reassuringly in response and close my eyes. My Peeta is back, and I am happy. My boy with the bread.

The next four weeks fly by. I wake every morning to the sound of sizzling bacon, and every morning I wake with a smile on my face.

Peeta is slowly growing back to me once again. After his episode, he couldn't look at me for days without his eyes watering. I would kiss him every morning, inviting him back to me, but he wouldn't touch me as passionately as we had the night he went mutt. I would never frown, never hurt his feelings. Apparently the direction my lips are turned meant everything to Peeta and his mood.

He would reward my efforts with a small and shy peck on the lips, before turning back to his pan of cooking bacon. Although he had never left my side, Peeta drifted farther away from me. He held me, but not as tight as he had.

A week later, smiles starting creeping in on him, and he started getting better. Peeta began to trust himself again, something I hadn't a problem doing.

He held me tighter, kissed me the way I kissed him, and smiled at me wider. Peeta is back.

Today we await the arrival of Johanna, Annie and Finn.

They are moving into the house across from ours, or next to Haymitch's. What a lovely neighbor they'll be having. I laugh on the inside. How long has it been since I've seen the old drunken mentor? I calculate nearly a year. Rarely will I see him outside feeding his geese, but I've never had a conversation with him.

"Annie and Finn's room is ready. Johanna can sleep on the pull-out couch, I suppose." Peeta says as he plops himself next to me on the sofa. He smiles broadly, showing off his beautiful teeth. Peeta is beyond excited for Finn to be living in Twelve. He's beaming.

They'll be staying with us a few days until things get settled in their house. I smile at Peeta and take his hand.

"That's great Peeta," I say and lean into him. "I love you."

I feel him tense under me and I quickly change the subject. "Any thoughts on supper? I'm sure they'll be starving when the get here." It's only noon, but I sense Peeta is thankful I changed the subject.

He stokes my hair ever so lightly, and it drives me crazy. "I don't know." I feel him shrug as he continues with my hair. I sigh and push myself up.

"Stew it is," I say standing. We spend the afternoon preparing supper, Peeta kneading his bread and I chopping my onions. Peeta is quiet lately, which makes me wonder what is going on in his mind. He occasionally starts a conversation, and shows me how much I miss him. Now, however, he kneads his bread silently, hardly acknowledging my existence.

I watch closely as he flips the dough and presses down on it. Even though he has on a shirt, I see his back and arm muscles are flexing. I sigh to myself.

I want him to embrace me right this second and never let go. I want him to hold me in his beautiful arms. I want him to carry me up to bed so I can lay with him and watch him play with my hair. I'm craving his touch, his voice, he scent.

I will wait.

I hear a knock at the door and Peeta glances at me. I pull my eyebrows together and he understands what I mean, so he leaves the kitchen to greet our guests. I smirk to myself. He knows me too well.

We're missing Annie, but right now I'm feeling anything but sociable.

I hear Annie screeching and Johanna's obnoxious laugh, and I make my way to the living room so I have a view of the family. Peeta is in Johanna's arms, and Finn has wrapped himself around Peeta's leg already. Thankfully, he is holding his good leg.

"Katniss! Get over here!" I hear Annie shout as I embrace her.

"Peeta! Peeta!" Little Finn is tugging on his pant leg, pulling Peeta down to Finn's level. I hug Annie and Johanna and watch Peeta and Finn's reunion. After we've all greeted each other, Peeta gleefully invites them on a tour of the house.

He shows them the kitchen and small downstairs bathroom, as well as the bedrooms and the upstairs bathroom. I notice near the end that Finn is on Peeta's back, tugging at his ears and giggling wildly. _He would be such a great father, _I think.

When we get to the living room, a timer buzzes. "That'll be the bread," Peeta says, pulling Finn down from his back and on his own feet, but he follows the man into the kitchen. Annie smiles at them.

"I see you two are already best friends," She calls to them.

Finn giggles and yells, "Yes, Mommy!" I hear Peeta chuckle, too, and I smile. _Someday, _I tell myself. _Peeta and I will have children of our own. _

**This one is shorter than the other two, I know. From now on I'm making them shorter so I can update more frequently. Review and subscribe :) **


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